Time for Affirmative Action in the NFL

I always wanted to be a NFL football player. But I got discriminated against in high school when I didn’t make the varsity team. Then I was discriminated in college when they wouldn’t let me onto the team. I play a decent game, I can throw the ball and do basic fielding. But everywhere I turned it was only opportunities for blacks.

I asked my black friend what he was studying in college as he was on the team and he rattled off a list of courses for low IQ people. He was an affirmative action hire. That’s great, I replied, I’ll do the same to get on the basketball team. It was 100% black at my school even though the student population was 90% white.

But when I got there I was treated terribly. “Can you dunk?” “Heck No!” I replied “But Jethro can’t do calculus and he was accepted into this school so I should get a spot on the team.”

“Look son, I know you mean well” said the coach, ” but you are only 5’1″ and well…”

“DAS RACIST!” I screamed “DAS Discrimination! Look I’m not here to apply for the team the normal way, I’m applying as an affirmitive action hire”

The coach looked puzzled. “Affirmitive Action? Thats for black people. Are you black?”

This can’t be true, I replied, let’s look up the law. Sure enough, europanic Americans were told to go elsewhere.

This couldn’t be happening. America land of the free. Equal opportunities for all. My black friend who couldn’t speak English got accepted into Law school. Another Medical school. They were all given straight A grades.

Years later I was replaced by Indians on the H-1B visa who were dumb as stumps. “We have to meet our affirmitive action hiring quotas” the manager explained. “But they aren’t even Americans!” I replied, “They had never been discriminated against?”

“You don’t understand, the goal of affirmative action isn’t about equality, its about destroying white people in America. We don’t care that these hires are dumb, as long as it puts millions of white engineers out of work”

So in the end, I couldn’t be a sports star or a engineer. But I’ll find some niche in America that fits some day. In the meantime I sleep in a cardboard tent in the back of my pickup truck. It’s got 170,000 miles on it but it keeps on running  cause it was made before affirmative action.

 

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