GiavelliReport Guide To the Republican Debate

OK Cast of characters:

TRUMPO:

aka the Donald, the Hair

Has declared bankruptcy many times

Wants to build a wall

Diagnosis: Will funnel many make work projects through Trump International and rename America Trumpica within 5 years

JEbadiah:

aka the annoying square, the pipsqueak

Makes even narcs uncomfortable

Cheated to get elected in Florida with dubious electronic machines

Diagnosis: learn how to play russian roulette if hes elected

Fiorina:

Aka the Hewlet Packard Doomer, Chiptooth Chipmonk

the Fire Americans Hire Indians CEO

Angry and buried her child

Really wants big military (87 brigades!)

Diagnosis: Scares the F out of me. Will press the button faster than Hillary

Carson:

Aka the other black dude, “I’m Not Obama”

Made it through medical school

Diagnosis: Conservative in a big rhino way

Christy:

Aka Chris Chipsie, Cookiemonster muncher, Honey I ate the kids

Was a prosecutor. Likes to put people in jail

diagnosis: Will keep using the CIA to bring in cheap AFghanistan heroin just so he can arrest poor black inner city dealers who sell it

Rand:

aka  Son of the cool guy, Libertarian-ish

Is a doctor, Likes to school the rest of the candidates

diagnosis: Will keep the borders open but defend the constitution.  If he ever finds his spine he would be the killer president and save america.

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