The House voted 273-to-156 to authorize the plan, a test of support for Obama’s stepped-up campaign to “degrade and destroy” Islamic State group fighters who have seized a third of bothIraq and Syria, declared war on the West and seek to establish a caliphate in the heart of the Middle East.
“The best defense is a good offense, that’s why we must arm the rebels who are trying to destroy us” said one congressperson.
“Let’s not taint the middle east unfairly” said another.
Written as an amendment to a stopgap spending bill, the measure does not include any money to pay for the arms and training. It passed with support from both Democrats and Republicans, but also significant opposition from members of both parties.
“We think they are doing a great job, there are a lot of badlands in Iraq still not in their control and some churches remain. With our funding and weapons, they will be able to take control and move on Baghdad” said one congressman who wished to remain anonymous.
Facing resistance by war-weary lawmakers in Obama’s own Democratic party, the administration reached across the aisle to Republicans for support, a rare bipartisan moment in an otherwise polarized Congress.
“We have to arm the rebels to stop ISIS” said one staffer. “But the rebels are ISIS!” shrieked another. “Doesn’t mater, haters gotta hate” replied the staffer.
A Reuters/Ipsos poll on Friday showed that while Americans support Obama’s campaign of air strikes against Islamic State group militants, they largely oppose a long military campaign against the group.
“We feel it’s important to ignore the will of the people on this one, those rebels are running out of bullets. We support Islam and the new jihadist state” said a congressman from California.
The authorization backed by the House lasts only until Dec. 11, the day the spending bill expires. The bill allows the Pentagon to later submit requests to shift funds within the budget if it decides it needs funds to pay for the program.
“Wait I’m confused” said a congressman from Texas, “Is ISIS or ISIL the bad guys and who did we just give the money to?” “We gave the money to Al-Quaeda rebels” replied another congressman. “Wait, didn’t they blow up our world trade center on 9-11?” “No, that was a hoax it was done with explosives, Al-Quaeda has always worked for America they are the good guys now” “So Osama was one of us?” “You got it”
Another congressman simply spun in circles screaming “MY HEAD HURTS MY HEAD HURTS MAKE IT STOP!”